Not all the WAY back, but...

...I just wanted to get up to date and let y'all know I'm still amongst the living! First things first--recovery is working today. I had to lose some more of my severely entrenched "self-will run riot" and gain a lot more fear and respect for my addiction. I am truly, 100% powerless; I'm more convinced of that every nanosecond. People have told me, "You're doing so well; the weight is just melting away!" Well, they can't see into the malevolent tsunami that is my food-addled brain, and how much praying and talking to God I have to do to keep eating my three meals a day and all the rest of the stuff that I do on a daily basis. It isn't me doing this; I swear. I have never turned away from my family's homemade macaroni and cheese in the entire fifty years I've lived on this planet. But I did just that this past week. Twice.

I'm going to skip the food "porn" description of the Shortt family's baked macaroni and cheese. Let it suffice to say that everything that a person can put into mac and cheese that exceeds the adult daily serving of fats ten times over goes into our family recipe. I'm shocked that none of us have keeled over in the midst of wolfing down immeasurable amounts of butterfat. Yet, I ate it, and ate it, and ate it.

I can't tell you what it miracle it was to be with my family and not eat my all time favorite food, which, along Havarti cheese and French bread, cheesecake, and various flavors of Haggen Daas, Ben and Jerry's and Godiva ice cream and turtle brownies and Tollhouse cookies has constituted my most beloved food fantasies of the past. But no more, or at least when the thoughts come up I don't indulge them the way I used to. God is truly amazing, Denise Williams sang. I can certainly testify to that.

Here's what I'm thankful for:

a) I had a very, very ugly break in recovery that made me violently ill. It was a sobering lesson that I PRAY I will NEVER forget.

b) I'm in physical therapy three times a week, and it's working.

c) My weight loss has put me in acceptable range for a hip replacement surgery date. My surgeon's assistant called me this afternoon to tell me the good news, although I won't get an exact date until after the first week of January. I don't care. Praise God! I'm going to walk normally soon!

d) I've been playing with my grandson since Saturday night, and this morning, we played a toddler version of soccer at the playground, and I actually climbed up some playground equipment so I could help my grandson go down the slides. I haven't been able to do that in over 25 years!

e) There was a World Dance Festival in Old Sacramento yesterday, and I danced the samba in the streets with members of American River College Afro-Caribbean dance troupe. It was sublimely exhilarating! I had SO MUCH FUN! I'm tired and sore beyond belief right now, but the fact is I LOVED IT! I want to dance until I drop off the edge of the planet!!! This is just the beginning, a preview of post-hip replacement life that is now possible due to God and recovery!

f) Best of all--my favorite part of the day and night is spent in prayer and meditation. I realize now what I have been missing in my relationship with the Almighty. Ya' Baha'u'l Abha'!

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