Blog Writer's Block and Strange Dreams

I had what I thought was great idea for a blog yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, it was lost to the puzzling haze that functions as my brain these days. What was it? Too many changes, I guess. But I wouldn't have it any other way. At least I think so. It's hard to tell what I think because all manner of toxic stuff is leaving my system. I was too sick to go to work for most of this week, and when I came back today, I was a bit overwhelmed. There were all the regular students in the tutoring center, plus what seemed to be a hundred more. Like I said, it's hard to think. I don't know if it was ten or a hundred. Whatever the number was, it was too many. Luckily, I was called in to do a workshop called "Preparing for the Writing Proficiency Exam". I could do the presentation on automatic pilot because I'm very familiar with the topic. I used to score that test when I was in grad school the first time. Not to mention that there were only two students in the workshop, so that took away the feeling of being overwhelmed after being sick. God is watching out for this one. Thank you, Lord! Now if I could only buy a withdrawal from flour/white sugar/excess portions quick detox and brain wash machine, I'll be completely set. I don't think it's too much to ask to have one of those. My life would be "perfect", whatever that means. Day Four of Guerrilla-Abstinence. It's beautiful, baby. Even Hunter S. Thompson would think so, had he lived to see me going through it. Poor Hunter. He never saw the point of Life's numerous tests. Can't say that I blame him. For a long time, I didn't understand the concept very well, either. Not saying that I understand it now, mind you. I just accept that this is the way it has to be, and it's all for the glory of God. Thy Will, not mine, be done.

I had a four hour break in my schedule today, and I took the opportunity to fill out an application for another place to live and help out my father by accompanying him to his bank. (He gets lost easily.) I hate the place I'm living in now. The landlord refuses to fix anything, and my neighbors keep having loud, drunken battles. While driving down Sunrise Boulevard with my father, I heard a song on the radio that I hadn't heard for years. I can't post the video for the song here because whoever uploaded it to youtube won't allow embedding. But here's the URL:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5qjk1smSo0

All of the sudden, I remembered a dream that I had way back when I was a young single mother struggling to raise her kids the best she could. It was about six o'clock in the morning, and I was in that strange half asleep/half awake state. I could hear music. The song was Patti LaBelle's "If You Asked me To", and suddenly I found myself surrounded by ice. I looked around me, and I realized that I was in an ice skating rink. I've gone ice skating only once in my life during my early twenties, and I kept sliding across the ice on my behind more than on the skates. In this dream, however, I looked down at my ice skates and immediately started panicking. My ankles were wobbly (just like they were in real life), and I struggled to get to the side rails without falling. Suddenly, I feel a steadying arm around my back, urging me upright. To my astonishment, I discovered that the arm belonged to a male type body which belonged to a man whose features were hazy to me. He had a calm demeanor, and I had the distinct impression that he was smiling. I couldn't really SEE him, though.

"Just follow me, Angela. Let me guide you. I won't let you fall."

I looked down at my skates again, and they were moving easily across the ice. In fact, I was gliding, thanks to him. In the background, Patti's voice was soaring through "If You Ask Me To". I felt incredibly light and free. My partner and I even started dancing on the ice.

Then I woke up. I could still hear Patti singing, but I realized that it was my clock radio turned up loud so I would wake up on time. But the dream seemed real. I could feel the cold spray from my skates blossoming up and sometimes showering my face. The frigid air stinging my face. My partner's strong arm around my waist, gently guiding me on the ice. It seemed very, very real.

I'm wondering why I would remember this NOW. That dream took place sometime in the late 80s or early 90s. Yet I remember it in detail, almost twenty years later.

I'm not going to analyze this. I'm just going to enjoy the memory.