Taking a time out

Well, I guess it was inevitable--my Windows XP system crashed, so I have no computer access at home until I either buy another operating system, or buy another computer. I guess it comes down to whichever one is cheaper. It's a real bummer because I need to do some writing. There's a creative writing workshop at UC San Diego coming up, and I would very much like to attend. But since I need to submit two short stories before March 1, and I have only one written, I guess I'm SOL. So much for that bright idea.

They say everything happens for a reason, and ordinarily I agree with that. It's just that right now the reason sucks, in my opinion. Sorry. I'm also sick. On top of that, I have to attend a committed meeting in an hour or else I have to deal with my sponsor in the morning. Life happens, I guess. Whatever. At least I'm not eating over any of it. That's the only thing I'm grateful for right now. That, and the fact that today I do have a roof over my head, healthy food in my refrigerator that supposedly nurtures my body (I guess it does, but I'm in a foul mood), and I have family and friends who love and care about me. For all of that, I am grateful.

There are reasons why I am feeling this way right now, and the reasons don't matter. I'm not supposed to analyze myself or get into the reasons too deep. I'm just supposed to write about how I feel, give it to God, then let it go. Simple process. And I'm doing it because people who have recovery have told me that it works, so I'm following their lead. My way damn sure hasn't done anything but get me addicted to food and fantasy, both of which have led to obesity. So I'm changing how I do things, even though right now I'm doing them through gritted teeth.

So God, you know what's up. This is Angela Denise Shortt, daughter of Mary and Richard. You know that already, but I need to reaffirm who I am today. I don't feel well, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I just want to go home, crawl into bed and sleep, maybe forever. No, I didn't mean that. I'm being "melodramatic", in the words of a pseudo-whatever. I'm trusting you right now, God, because I have no other choice. I'm eating those damned three meals a day, even when I was with my sister who ordered Burger King today. You heard me, didn't you? "Thank you, God that's not my food." And I ate my healthy tofu and kale combination. By the way, I'll never do that again. It was nasty. I can't eat nasty tasty food and survive this program. And that other problem I have, that stupid love addiction. Well, I hope you excuse me, but I'm not feeling very fond of the opposite sex right now. It's not their fault; it's all me. I know that. But that's how I feel. And I hope you forgive me for shouting very loudly, "I HATE MEN!" the other day as I was walking with my daughter. Even she was shocked. But that's where I am. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel differently. Anyway, thanks for listening God. Sorry about dumping all this on you, but people who are living authentic lives said that I will feel better giving it to You. So there it is.
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