Personality tests and journal comments

My son Marc emailed this personality to me and my daughters:

I've taken different versions of the Myers-Briggs personality tests over the years, and always with the same result:

Your Type is
Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving
Strength of the preferences %
33 50 25 44

INFP type description by D.Keirsey
INFP Career Choices by Jung Career Indicator� Provides the list of occupations most suitable for your type taking into account the type formula and strength of the preferences. Based on a sample representing 40 most popular and high-demand occupations.
INFP type description by J. Butt and M.M. Heiss

Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:

* moderately expressed introvert
* moderately expressed intuitive personality
* moderately expressed feeling personality
* moderately expressed perceiving personality

Only one percent of the population (of the world? The United States? The web site didn't say.) are healers like me. I've always known I'm weird. Now it's statistically proven to be true. :D My strongest expression is intuition, which is no surprise to anyone who knows me. My weakest expression is feeling. Yeah, I'll go along with that. It takes me a long time to figure out what I'm feeling, except when I feel that an injustice has been done. Then I'm all feeling and action, which isn't always good.

Example: A few years ago, I went to the downtown to the movies with my son, Marc. I was in a wheelchair at the time. We went for coffee at Starbucks afterwards, then waited outside of the Hard Rock Cafe' for my sister to come pick us up. An old, scuzzy-looking mental case wino type came stumbling up to us, and began talking crazy to my son, who was about 19 or 20 at the time. He got as far as saying, "I'll kick your a**, boy..." That was it. I flashed red hot immediately, pulled out my cane, and knocked him upside the head. He went down, hard. There was no thought of possible consequences or anything. He messed with my son, who was fully capable of defending himself, by the way. It's just that I was one step faster, even in a wheelchair. Nobody messes with my kids; I don't care who they are. But I can't do that all the time. They do put people in jail for assault, even though a Sacramento City mounted policeman sat on his horse and watched the whole thing. He smiled and looked the other way. Apparently the wino had a rep for messing with people a lot.

The surprise for me was when Marc told us that he is also an INFP. I had always thought of him as a pure rationalist, very scientific in his approach to life. He approaches dating women as "experiments"--he does his research, develops a theory about approaching the opposite sex, then proceeds to see if it works. Sometimes it doesn't, but he's had a reasonable amount of success so far. With that level of rational thought to socializing, who would've thought that he would turn out to be a space cadet like his mother? I've never put that much thought into dating or any other social activity in my entire life! My approach: hey, that seems like fun; let's do it! Shoot from the hip, make it up as I go along--that's what I've always done. (sigh) Unfortunately, I've had a very erratic, chaotic life as a result. Now I have to learn how to plan my life so the chaos is kept at bay. And it's like having a baby. Painful, but necessary. I guess that's why my life seems like it's at a standstill right now. All I have is the Baha'i Faith, recovery, family and friends. Actually, that's a lot more than many people in the world have right now. Thank you, God, for showing me that.

An observation that made during a phone conservation with Marc, who had just ended another relationship with a young lady who I thought seemed very sweet: "Why is it that guys never like the same girls that their mothers like a lot?"

He laughed. "I don't know." What I didn't say is, how come you always like those vixens with beautiful faces and messed up attitudes? Just one of those mother-son things, I guess.

Clarissa, my oldest daughter, also took the test. It turns out that she is an ENTJ:

As an ENTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENTJs are natural born leaders. They live in a world of possibilities where they see all sorts challenges to be surmounted, and they want to be the ones responsible for surmounting them. They have a drive for leadership, which is well-served by their quickness to grasp complexities, their ability to absorb a large amount of impersonal information, and their quick and decisive judgments. They are "take charge" people.

No wonder my daughter and I bumped so much while she was growing up. We frequently had the "who's running this household" argument, especially when she hit puberty and decided that her mother didn't know her head from her butt(and she grounds for a solid case). So she tried to take charge and get some organization going. I wasn't having it. Every night was a screaming/slamming doors (she slammed;I opened and charged in) festival. It wasn't a pretty sight.

But she has been running her own office management/consulting business for about three years now, and until the baby came(additional costs and fewer hours), she did quite well, financially speaking. I would say she makes very good use of her business savvy and natural charisma. This was a girl who started a baby-sitting business at eight years old. I've always been amazed at how easily she could get a job, or create income for herself. She definitely didn't get that ability from me. Well, that's not exactly true. I've always managed to pull something together, but always at last possible moment, as in the rent is due tomorrow. Clarissa never, EVER does that, probably because she grew up seeing me scrambling make things work. Well, I'm finally learning through recovery. Come to think of it, my relationship with her has improved tremendously since I've been abstinent. That's an unexpected gift right there!

I'm waiting on the Meyers-Briggs results from my youngest, Chenelle. That might take a while, though. She's in the child psychology transfer track at Sacramento City College; she's started a new job at a brand new day care center for infants and toddlers, and she has a new boyfriend, whom I have yet to meet. So I don't expect to see her the results of her personality test within the next month, or whenever she gets tired of this current guy. She might be over him already, for all I know. She seems to change boyfriends as much as she changes her fingernail polish, which is every other day. Sorry, Budgie. That's not a knock, especially since I think no guy is ever good enough, anyway. LOL!

Speaking of guys, I had some interesting comments to my journal about the compatibility questions:

Imagine that, through some misfortune, your significant other loses the ability to ever have sex again. Do you stay with them?

* Yes.
* No.
* Only if were free to have sex with someone else.

In my journal, I wrote:
I had to re-phrase this question to fit my own circumstances. One, as a Baha'i, my significant other HAS to be my spouse. So the question is now, would I divorce my husband if through some misfortune, he would no longer be able to have sex.

First of all, the ONLY reason I would ever get married again would be because I love a man to the depths of my soul, and I have committed to sharing not only this life, but the life beyond this life with him. That's not lightweight stuff to me, and obviously, the basis of the marriage would have to include a lot more than sex. He would be my partner in mind, body and spirit. When viewed from that perspective, the answer is most definitely yes, I would stay with him.

Besides, sex involves a lot more than intercourse. Sex takes place on a lot of different levels, not just in the physical realm. But of course, most people can't relate to that. But having that opinion means that I'm not tied to the physical aspects of sex, and frees my husband and myself to explore all aspects of our union.

Absolutely no response. Crickets chirping. If I had talked about position, technique, or "freakiness", I would have had hundreds of comments.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm becoming strangely puritanical. As a member of the "free love" generation, that's a very odd feeling. In fact, one guy did match test on me, and it turned out that compared to him, I'm 30% Republican in my social attitude!

WHAT??????? Oh, God, no! That's downright terrifying! The original stomp-down Democrat aka my father would disown me if he knew that! Good Lord, what is happening to me?

However, this question garnered two responses (other than my own):

Would you be willing to take a back seat to a partner's career? Would you want them to reciprocate?

* I would for them, and would want them to as well.
* I wouldn't, and wouldn't want them to either.
* I would, but wouldn't want them to for me.
* I wouldn't, but would want them to for me.

I guess I'm a little skeptical with this question. Aside from Bill Clinton, how many men would ACTUALLY wholeheartedly take a backseat to their own career in favor of helping the women in their lives with theirs? I don't mean staying at home drinking beer, watching T.V. and surfing the Net all day while the wife or girlfriend works. That's not taking a backseat; that's just being lazy. I mean telling the woman, "Go ahead, baby. Do your thing." And being genuinely pleased when she's successful, and comforting when things go badly. I can't even conceptualize how a man could do that for a woman, taking into account the way traditional gender roles are still very much a part of most relationships these days.

And HOW supportive will he be when she dumps him for someone better? Successful women trade up. Women instinctively expect a man to be a better provider, even if they can provide for themselves very well. One reason why pay equity is not a cut and dried issue.

HalfSoul: 44M | straight | Bedford, Nova Scotia, Canada
Today - 1:59am - 57% match, 70% friend, 32% enemy

Here's another member's response to HalfSoul:
Wheeeelll ... Here's a scenario. Man has individual-contributor job (corporate-speak) as a skilled tradesman, say. It's a steady job with regular reliable hours that pays well. He enjoys the work and has no ambitions to move into management.

While that's taking a backseat to a partner's career, it sure is setting things up for him to be very able to support her working longer, more variable hours, while he does more than half of the household duties, carries his "half" of the living expenses, and can still pick her up from the airport.

HalfSoul, there is no better "provider" than that.

Elly-T: 47F | straight | Mountain View, California, United States
Today - 5:28am - 64% match, 77% friend, 24% enemy

Sorry ... NOT taking a back seat.

Elly-T: 47F | straight | Mountain View, California, United States
Today - 5:29am - 64% match, 77% friend, 24% enemy

And my response to Elly-T and HalfSoul:

Wow. Such...what can I call it? HalfSoul, why do I sense animosity? Is this my imagination working overtime? That's entirely possible, but I don't think so in this case. I have to agree with Elly's scenario, in fact, that seems like a very good working relationship to me. I would do that in a heartbeat, AND remain with the man! Not all women want to "trade up" for a man with more bucks. This one would love to have a man who enjoys his career and the simple pleasures of living one day at a time. And the comment about equal pay is absolutely nonsensical to me. A woman should not receive less pay for doing the same work as a man, even if she is married to a guy with Donald Trump dollars. If she truly works hard and puts in the time in her career, why should she be penalized just because her husband is rich. If the circumstances were switched, and a man has a career that he loves and devotes a lot of time and energy, would you ask him to take a pay cut because his wife has inherited millions, or even better, earned millions with her own business? Come on, now. That just doesn't make sense. And that isn't why equal pay is a so-called "dead" issue. It's not in the fore front of our social-political-economic agenda because of a number of factors, like a refusal to let go of old stereotypes of women. That alone probably contributes to the "deadening" of the issue more than anything else. Another is the mindset of the business community in general, such as "I'm not giving up that much money to a woman," or "Yeah, that's all well and good, but how will that equal pay thing affect our bottom line? It's profitable to have women who are willing to do more for less." Yeah, we still have a long way to go, baby.

I'm wondering about something: why does OKCupid think that HalfSoul is a 57% match for me? Quite frankly, I don't see much of anything there. I'd be better off with Elly-T, and we're both straight.

All right, guys. Calm down. I don't play that.
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